glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
