I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
