My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize