It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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