So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
