My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
