I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
