Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
