saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
