goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
