just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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