So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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