I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
