I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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