The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize