My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
