Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
