Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
