Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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