i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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