hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
