i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
