A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
