Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
