everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my shit smells like andre
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
