I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
