Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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