I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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