how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
