please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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