Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
