CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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