u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
