just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
