i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
