o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
