i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
