you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
