Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
