tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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