No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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