I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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