My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
