The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
