We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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