The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
