i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
