apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
