I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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