shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
