You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
