Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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