it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
