you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
