Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
