i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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