WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
