I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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