He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
