I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
