i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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