hotel room ftw
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
