Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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