Where is the hickey?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
