Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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