I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
