I think im going to throw up on grandma
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
