Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I love having hate sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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