is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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