Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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