So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
