are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
