If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
