Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
