Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
