she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
