I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
