Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
