Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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