then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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